Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
