the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
