lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
