i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
