You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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