This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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