i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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