apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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