u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Drunk is not a location!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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