his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
