i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
