where am i from again
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Small penises have feelings too.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
