you lied. pity sex is amazing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
