I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
