brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
