I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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