i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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