apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
