you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
