Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize