It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't think brook has ever known best
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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