Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She's JV to your varsity
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
