You're my little dorito
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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