your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
