These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
