Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
