U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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