Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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