I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
