How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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