Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
