so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
