There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
