I wanna passion pit in your ass
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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