last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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