so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
