So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
