I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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