Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize