her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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