ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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