Why are handjobs necessary in class?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
