I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
