Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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