I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
