HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
