I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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