I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
