He disabled his match.com account in front of me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
