hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
