ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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