i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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