ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sext me about skeletons
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
