There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
