are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
