Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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