I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
