I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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