Cold hands, warm shart.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How naked do you want me to be?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
