OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
