If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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