So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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