1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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