theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
