somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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