so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
