I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
