I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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