So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
