I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
ok first of all what the fuck
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
