but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
