this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
