You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
