I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
