I must be too annoying 4 u.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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