so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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