He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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