Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
