I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
