The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
