I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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