There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
