I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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