I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
