I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize