i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
