Quick, to the slutcave!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize