Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
